What to Say to a Depressed Person

Once, when I was very close to the end of my rope, I talked to my sister about how I felt sure that no one would care if I was gone. It’s hard to talk to a depressed person when their brain is busy lying to them about how terrible they are and how much they deserve to be dead. But my sister said indignantly, “I would care. You’re my best friend,” and it cut through everything. I believed her. I still believe her. It was because it was so obviously true that it made a difference. Those words still echo in my brain when I’m struggling most.

I spend a lot of time lately talking about depression. Yes, this is because the last two years of Covid and divorce have been incredibly difficult to my mental health, but it’s also because every time I talk about it, I get dozens of messages from people who say, “Thank you for talking about this in a way that I can’t.” Depressed people struggle to express themselves. Also, they struggle deeply with the belief that anyone cares what they are feeling. They don’t want to burden anyone else. Sometimes it just feels like they’re in a world behind glass where they try to say words, but no one can hear them. So I’m exposing myself because I feel deeply for others who are depressed, and also because I’ve been on the other side, as well, the one who is trying to help the depressed person and I thought I would give a peek into the window of depression. I’m not a therapist or a…