Using Autism as an “Excuse”

Ever since I was diagnosed with autism five years ago, people have objected to my claiming the diagnosis. They get frustrated when I explain that yes, I have been masking as neurotypical for my entire life. They seem to assume that if that has been working, I should just keep doing it. Why not, when that makes everything easier for neurotypical people, and surely would make it easier for me than claiming that I have a disability? When I talk about noise and perfume and music bothering me such that I will avoid most events, they don’t understand what I expect other people to do. When I talk about how hard it is for me to understand jokes or to parse non-literal language, the response I get is sometimes another joke or more non-literal language, which surprisingly enough, doesn’t make me laugh.

The assumption is that if I already know how to act “normal,” then what am I asking for? I’ve gotten to the point that most parents of autistic kids would love to see them at, a mostly functional adult state capable of holding down a job, with some impressive accomplishments on the side. Even a family life. What more could I possibly want? Well, what I want is some empathy. And maybe sometimes people meeting me halfway in the middle. Instead of always expecting me to do all the work of living in this world that you think of as “normal,” you might consider that there are other ways of being that are equally valid and that you…