I know it is a cliché, this inner child work that so many adults talk about doing. Call me a skeptic. But I’m desperate. I’ve been trying to do something to help my depression beyond the medication, therapy, exercise, healthy eating, meditation, and positive self-talk that seem to have their limits. They help when my depression is at a certain level, but there are times when it sinks so low that I’m drowning in it and none of the regular things seems to help do anything except distract me for a while.
So I read a book (The Body Keeps Score by Bessel A Van der Kolk) while doing an Ironman marathon very slowly a couple of weeks ago, and I decided that when I had a chance, I would write down a list of the lessons that I learned as a child and think about them. Who or what particular experience taught me these things and are they true? Do I really believe them as an adult? If I don’t believe them, is it possible that I can let go of some or all of them? Not all at once, but one by one, as they come out, shouting at me when my life goes wrong and I find my adult self retreats in helplessness and my child self seems to take over in my mind.
I grew up in an abusive household (though I didn’t use this word for what happened to us until decades later and I suspect that some of my siblings would strongly push back against the word). I was one of the younger children and my…
