It Will Get Better

“It will get better.” I hear this a lot from people when I talk about how difficult my life currently is, in the midst of a divorce that seems like it will never end, scrambling to try to build a new life for myself after my old one has crumbled into dust, trying to figure out how to build a new family structure with my children that won’t always feel like it is a lesser version of what we had in the past, trying to figure out how to follow my dreams when I am having to spend every minute making sure I pay my bills and get food on the table.

People who tell me it will get better or some other variation, “you can do this,” “you’re strong and capable,” “I believe in you,” “just get through the bad part” (not to mention the much worse versions like “This isn’t as bad as it seems,” “Someday you will be grateful you went through this,” “God is trying to show you a better way,” “Other people have been through much worse and survived,” etc). All of this makes me angry and when I express that anger, people seem bewildered or even angry in return. I think they expect me to be grateful for their platitudes. So I’m writing an essay to explain why I am not.

First of all, I am not at all sure that it will get better. Your life may have gotten better. You may think that the same will happen for me because there are some superficial similarities between my situation and yours. But there are many details that…