Having No Filter

One of the things that NT’s complain about most in dealing with autistic people is that we “have no filter.” We say exactly what we’re thinking all the time, without regard for if those words are socially acceptable or if they might hurt someone else’s feelings. I know I do this and that it annoys people around me. I also know that other autists around me do this, and that I am hurt to the point that I sometimes do not want to spend time with them. I sometimes wonder how they can hurt other people so often and never think about other people’s feelings.

And yet, I also want to say that it can be refreshing and wonderful to be around someone who says exactly what they’re thinking all the time. It can be funny and weirdly healing to be around someone who isn’t worried constantly about what might be right or wrong to say or whether or not now is the right time to say that. If I can detach myself a little bit and just realize that this isn’t about me, it might possibly not hurt as much.

See, autists aren’t trying to hurt anyone. That is the difference. When a neurotypical says something that is blunt or seems cruel, it’s intended to hurt. They are aware of the rules of social hierarchy and they have thought about their words and what those words will do to the person who hears them. They often plan or are at least conscious of the effect of what they are about to say. Neurotypical people are always…