Correcting Reflex in Autism

Do you remember that kid who is raising their hand desperately during elementary school and then says, “You mean Thursday” to the teacher.

The teacher said Thursday instead of “Tuesday” thirty minutes ago, and has no idea what that kid is talking about, but gets annoyed at this constant interaction and says, “Only raise your hand if you have something relevant to add to the conversation.”

That kid learns mostly that they’re not allowed to ask questions or to add helpful information to any discussion even though everyone else is, because they don’t know what the teacher means by “relevant” and they can never figure it out after years of trying. All they know is that no one likes what they add to conversations.

This was me as a kid. Sometimes it is still me as an adult.

I struggle so much to figure out what is considered relevant to other people. But I am also not clear on when it is or isn’t appropriate to correct other people. I think an autistic brain is often one that is seeking out patterns. I was great at pattern recognition as a young child and excelled at math for years, at least to the extent that math is a field of pattern recognition. I enjoyed literature and grammar to the extent they were about pattern recognition, as well. But there’s an added part of my brain that really enjoys “correctness.” It’s about putting in the right…