Being Alone and Being Lonely For Autists

I’m a solitary soul, an introvert who never looks like an extrovert. I’m autistic, but being an introvert and being autistic are actually not the same thing, which was something I had to discover along the way. There are actually autistic people who are extroverts, but I am not one of them. As a child, I was bullied, but was at least partly protected from the effects of bullying by not understanding other people being mean and also not caring very much because I tended to prefer my own company. I remember a teacher once asking us what we would take to a deserted island and I had many happy fantasies of living on a deserted island and just talking to myself forever.

I suppose it makes sense that the introverted child who enjoyed time with her own thoughts became a writer, who also enjoys time with her own thoughts. Not all writers are introverts, either. But I like nothing better than to sit at my computer and play with imaginary people in imaginary worlds. A friend of mine said once, “Everyone needs time with other people. Maybe you just need less than most people.” I’ve turned this thought over and over in my mind and I think it’s probably true that I need other people, but the time I like to spend with other people is so much smaller than others that it’s probably dramatically off of the bell curve, even for autistic people.