Autism and Gifts

I struggle so much with gift protocol on both ends, the recipient and the donor. Yes, I was taught basic rules of gift giving as a child, but it always feels like there is some advanced class on gift giving that everyone else went to and I was sick that day, and no one took notes or will admit that there are notes and so I’m just perpetually behind, offending people, or just bewildered.

The rules I understand are that on certain occasions, birthdays, anniversaries, or Mother’s Day, I am apt to receive gifts and my responsibility is to simply say, “Thank you.” The problem is that I often feel like there is a hidden or not so hidden message beneath the gifts. Part of this is because in my childhood, my father had a tendency to give “corrective” gifts. He’d give “How to Win Friends and Influence People” to a kid who was being bullied at school, or he’d give a toolset to a kid he thought should learn how to use the tools.

As a kid, I also got gifts from friends from school that were either corrective gifts or just mean gifts. Like books that had pages torn out or “gifts” of deodorant that were placed in my gym locker. I think a lifetime of not understanding social interaction has led me to immediately assume that if I don’t understand something, it’s because it’s an insult and it’s a danger sign, that this is a person I should stay away from and have no interaction with because they’re just trying to…